My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness Seizures (Complex Partial Seizures) ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar I Rapid Cycling With Psychosis ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (My OCD is currently in remission except for hoarding) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Painful Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (Autoimmune Hypothyroidism) ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Monday, June 14, 2010

Sick Niki, Unrelenting Pain, Hormones, and Presents

Usually at this time of year my mood is markedly better.  Lately, though, I feel depressed instead.  I am not able to do the work in the house I want to so bad.  Niki hasn't been feeling well, she got fleas and we think she is allergic to them.  Sterling got fleas, too, but Niki is the one sick.  We are trying to come up with some money for Frontline Plus.  The dang stuff is expensive but we have to somehow get it.  The cheaper stuff we don't trust on the cats because there have been many reports of cats dying and becoming very ill after using it.  So we are trying to think of a way to come up with some money for the cats.  We have to find a way.  The kitties are our babies.  I love Niki like a best friend and a daughter.  Last night she was sick and I held her little kitty head in my hand and wrapped my arm around her.  She stayed like that about an hour and it was the best sleep I'd seen her have in a few days.  She's the best baby in the world.

Lately I just feel like I can't take the pain anymore.  I want it to stop so bad.  I worry about disappointing Jim because I don't walk.  Jim said he just cares about me and doesn't want me to get worse off than I am.  I know that it is true; the doctor said if I can just walk across the front yard to do that four times a week for four weeks then move that up.  I know I need to, so what is my problem?  I keep gaining weight and I eat mostly healthy things, though I should cut out the chocolate.  I mean I've been trying to eat healthy things, like low-fat yogurt, boneless skinless chicken breasts, skinless white meat turkey, fish, baked foods instead of fried, lots of fiber, brown rice, lots of water, fruit, & veggies.  That sounds healthy, so why am I gaining so much weight?  I don't usually give the PCOS or hypothyroid much thought, but I wonder if they are playing a large roll in my weight gain.

The major endocrine glands in the female body are the: Pineal gland, Pituitary gland, Thyroid gland, Adrenal gland, Pancreas, Ovaries. My Hashimoto's has my thyroid messed up, my ovaries are fucked up, and PCOS puts me at risk for my pancreas to fuck up and develop Diabetes Type II.

I almost feel like there is more wrong with me than isn't, though I know that isn't true.

I did have a nice birthday.  Jim made me a cake and we spent the day together.  He still owes me a massage. ;-)  I got presents from my pen pal Laura in England the day before my birthday, and I got presents from Lindsay, my pen pal in Ohio today.  It came at the perfect time, too.  I was really starting to get down.  I got wonderful messages from my facebook friends for my birthday.

We just gave the kitties some cat nip.  Sterling wasn't interested in it and Niki ate all hers.  Silly kitties. :-)

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