My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness Seizures (Complex Partial Seizures) ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar I Rapid Cycling With Psychosis ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (My OCD is currently in remission except for hoarding) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Painful Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (Autoimmune Hypothyroidism) ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Monday, June 14, 2010

Sick Niki, Unrelenting Pain, Hormones, and Presents

Usually at this time of year my mood is markedly better.  Lately, though, I feel depressed instead.  I am not able to do the work in the house I want to so bad.  Niki hasn't been feeling well, she got fleas and we think she is allergic to them.  Sterling got fleas, too, but Niki is the one sick.  We are trying to come up with some money for Frontline Plus.  The dang stuff is expensive but we have to somehow get it.  The cheaper stuff we don't trust on the cats because there have been many reports of cats dying and becoming very ill after using it.  So we are trying to think of a way to come up with some money for the cats.  We have to find a way.  The kitties are our babies.  I love Niki like a best friend and a daughter.  Last night she was sick and I held her little kitty head in my hand and wrapped my arm around her.  She stayed like that about an hour and it was the best sleep I'd seen her have in a few days.  She's the best baby in the world.

Lately I just feel like I can't take the pain anymore.  I want it to stop so bad.  I worry about disappointing Jim because I don't walk.  Jim said he just cares about me and doesn't want me to get worse off than I am.  I know that it is true; the doctor said if I can just walk across the front yard to do that four times a week for four weeks then move that up.  I know I need to, so what is my problem?  I keep gaining weight and I eat mostly healthy things, though I should cut out the chocolate.  I mean I've been trying to eat healthy things, like low-fat yogurt, boneless skinless chicken breasts, skinless white meat turkey, fish, baked foods instead of fried, lots of fiber, brown rice, lots of water, fruit, & veggies.  That sounds healthy, so why am I gaining so much weight?  I don't usually give the PCOS or hypothyroid much thought, but I wonder if they are playing a large roll in my weight gain.

The major endocrine glands in the female body are the: Pineal gland, Pituitary gland, Thyroid gland, Adrenal gland, Pancreas, Ovaries. My Hashimoto's has my thyroid messed up, my ovaries are fucked up, and PCOS puts me at risk for my pancreas to fuck up and develop Diabetes Type II.

I almost feel like there is more wrong with me than isn't, though I know that isn't true.

I did have a nice birthday.  Jim made me a cake and we spent the day together.  He still owes me a massage. ;-)  I got presents from my pen pal Laura in England the day before my birthday, and I got presents from Lindsay, my pen pal in Ohio today.  It came at the perfect time, too.  I was really starting to get down.  I got wonderful messages from my facebook friends for my birthday.

We just gave the kitties some cat nip.  Sterling wasn't interested in it and Niki ate all hers.  Silly kitties. :-)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

What's the deal?

I'm not sure what the deal is lately with the increase in seizures.  I've cut down on my tramadol which can lower the seizure threshold, but instead I'm having more seizures and they suck! My neck has been hurting extra bad for weeks, too.  I usually use three ice packs a day at the very least.  I put one on my neck, wait until it is warm, and switch it out to one that is frozen still; then repeat the process.

I did have a lovely birthday.  Jim made me a chocolate cake with two chocolate Snack Pack puddings in it.  Then when he put the icing on it he put another two Snack Pack chocolate puddings in it, too.  The result?  Very yummy, very rich, very moist chocolate on chocolate cake.  Yum!

We watched Jennifer's Body last night and both had nightmares, even though we didn't think the movie was even that good.  Both Jim's crush on Megan Fox and my crush on Megan Fox have ended.  Like I said, the movie really wasn't that good.  Oh, and in the movie Megan Fox was not sexy, at least not in the way you thought she'd be.

I think it bears repeating that I am a bit nervous about my upcoming appointment with the geneticist.  I hope to get off of the tramadol, which like I said, lowers seizure threshold and onto something that doesn't do that.  My pain is still very, very much there even with the tramadol.  The medication does something, but not much of something.  I would like to get into a pain clinic, though I don't know of one who would be knowledgeable about EDS.  Like I've mentioned before, this geneticist is supposed to determine if I have Vascular EDS or Hypermobility EDS.  I'm so nervous and the appointment isn't even until August.

I am getting in with the cardiologist I believe next week, so that means I need to call Medicaid Transportation Monday.  The soonest I could get in with my endocrinologist after missing my appointment is October.  That will make it close to a year since my last appointment rather than the six months he prefers.  At least my thyroid isn't giving me shit (that I know of).

Oh my gosh, my birthday seizure was scary yesterday!  I remember my back went completely numb and I couldn't see behind me because I couldn't move.  I remember screaming Jim's name in between seizures but he was right there the whole time.  My body was numb so I couldn't feel his touch and I couldn't move or open my eyes.  It was freaking scary!  I slept after that for awhile and when I woke up I was so very exhausted and sore.  Of course that probably didn't help my neck pain, either.

I did something so silly a few minutes ago.  I've been taking a lot of falls upon standing lately; a couple of those times I fainted.  I was in the bathroom and stood up to pull my pants off when I just fell over.  I fell into the tub.  Fortunately my wrist doesn't seem like it's messed up.  I fell onto the shower chair which was folded up in the tub.  The right side of my bum is on ice now.  (I have to use a shower chair to avoid falling and to take a very much less painful shower than if I stood.)  I think it didn't do much for the neck pain, either.

So right now I'm waiting on my baby to bring me back some soda.  Yum!  I need caffeine.  It is already past three pm and I've only had a few sips of coffee in the way of caffeine all day long. Scary isn't it?

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