My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness Seizures (Complex Partial Seizures) ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar I Rapid Cycling With Psychosis ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (My OCD is currently in remission except for hoarding) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Thursday, October 27, 2011

pain

TRIGGER WARNING
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I know if you could see inside me right now, you'd see that I am red, red, red.  Not red the color of blood, red the color of pain.  The red of pain is deeper, more devilish, scalding, frightening, imposing; the red creeps inside of you, until every cell of your body is bathed in it.  Nerves fear no other color, muscles tremble, the body tries to stretch away.  It can't get away, though.  Once it starts, it bites you, growling, eating you alive with it's teeth, spitting the remains of yourself in your mouth.  You are nothing within its jaws; you exist to feel, but the only thing to feel is the pain.  When you overcome me, you sit on my chest, making my breath so shallow, and so hard to catch.  I exist at your mercy.  I try to run away, but you grab me back, ripping the flesh off my face for punishment.  Is there any part of me that you have not already conquered?  Why do you rage at me, aiming at all the things that make life normal.  It can't be this way forever.  I can't be in this much pain forever.  I close my eyes, bite my lip, and cry while you rage on.

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