My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness (Complex Partial) Seizures ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Painful Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Tears and celebration

Last night I cried.  I cried and cried, and though I'd cry myself to sleep, but DH (darling husband) heard me crying while we were laying down in bed to go to sleep.  He help me and asked me why I was crying.  Of course I gave my usual answer and said "Nothing's wrong.  I'm not crying.  Nothing's wrong."  Of course I am saying this as tears stream down my face and my nose starts running.  I finally told him why I was crying.  Sometimes I hate myself for being so sick all the time when other people seem to be much sicker but are able to do things I'm not able to, i.e. walk without a walker.  That's when DH reminded me that everyone experiences EDS, POTS, and fibromyalgia differently.  I know some people online who are bedridden with fibromyalgia, while I know others with EDS who are walking, dislocate a knee, stop and put it back in, and keep walking, all without mobility aides.  He reminded me that I can't judge my own pain or fatigue or anything, based on others.  The only thing that matters is how my illnesses affect me, not how they affect others with similar problems.  It felt really good to be held and reminded of all of this.

Marigolds are on the right
Tomorrow is Earth Day, and I'm really excited about it.  We plan on cleaning up the front steps/tiny porch, replanting my marigolds, and going through our recycling to sort it into proper bags.  I'm very excited, because Mother Earth means a lot to me.  This is the only planet we have, and we best take care of her.  I am going to be putting some marigolds in each of my flower pots to grow my flowers without pesticides, since marigolds keep away bugs.  Another trick I learned last year is to mix cayenne pepper and water and spray it on your plants if they have a bug problem.  It does give your plants a red tint, but it works well to keep off bugs.  I used it on my Morning Glories last year.  So far I've planted black-eyed susans, purple coneflowers, and marigolds.  Only the marigolds have germinated so far.  I'm worried about the black-eyed susans and purple coneflowers because after a week nothing is coming up.  I hope it just takes them a bit longer and they will grow to be hearty and healthy.

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