My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness Seizures (Complex Partial Seizures) ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar I Rapid Cycling With Psychosis ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (My OCD is currently in remission except for hoarding) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Painful Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (Autoimmune Hypothyroidism) ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Thursday, August 23, 2012

They come in threes

Thankfully, my flare is over.  I'm getting over the strep throat, and now I've caught a cold.  I'm on day two of the cold.  It seems like I can't catch a break!  Bad things always come in threes.  I tried to get a picture of my throat when the strep was at its worst, but I kept getting blurry pictures.  I found a picture online, though, that looks exactly what my throat looked like.  It is still very sore and swollen feeling, though I haven't looked at it today to know what it looks like.



According to WebMD, strep throat goes away with or without antibiotics within three to seven days, unless there are complications.  I don't have a primary care physician and I don't want to overuse antibiotics, so I was fine with letting it run it's course.

Niki and Sterling have been cuddling on their Daddy's lap a lot tonight.  It's so very cute.  I found another of Niki's stashes.  She's a little klepto-kitty, and makes stashes of toys and things she steals.  This one was mainly bottle lids, which we give her to play with.  She absolutely loves playing with them, whether they are lids from milk jugs, soda bottles, or Powerade bottles.

I'm having a problem staying awake again.  I'm so exhausted all of the time, and find myself falling asleep no matter what I'm doing.  I end up sleeping all the time.  Last time this happened, I got more of all the vitamins I've run out of, and after a week or so I was back to myself again.  Right now all I'm taking is Vitamin D and a multi, because I'm out of everything else.  So on the first, we will buy some more vitamins for me, and hopefully that will help things.  It pisses me off when people think I must be having fun sleeping all the time.  I am missing life, it is passing me by, while I am sleeping or groggy.  It's not fun.  I can't get anything done at all.  Now my list of things I need to do is piling up, and I'm getting anxiety about it.  I wish I could stay awake.  I try so hard.  The last time this happened I was afraid I had narcolepsy until I looked at the symptoms, and fortunately did not have the majority of them.  When it gets this bad I tend to fall asleep in the shower, so when I shower DH has to check on me every couple of minutes to make sure I haven't fallen (or fallen asleep).  The first is a long way off it seems.  Today is just the 23rd.

All the discussion in the news about what constitutes a "legitimate rape" has been causing me a lot of flashbacks to my own rape.  I was in shock afterwards and can't imagine how I would have handled being 16 and pregnant with the child of my rapist.  Thankfully, that didn't happen, but not all women and girls are so lucky.


Saturday, August 18, 2012

I'm trying

I'm trying sitting up for the second time today.  My first attempt lasted less than an hour and I was in horrific pain, especially in my back and neck.  I woke myself up all night last night moaning and even screaming in my sleep.  The pain is so, so bad.  I'm taking my regular medication, Aspirin, Tylenol, and ginger tea, but it really doesn't seem to do much of anything.  When I sneeze or cough I feel like my head will explode and it is really hard to swallow, thanks to the throat infection, strep, or whatever this is that I caught to supplement my flare.  Since I was a small child, if a throat illness is going around, I'll get it.  I don't usually get stomach viruses, though.  There, I thought of something positive!  I try my best to be positive, but I'm having a harder time lately doing that than usual.

I think I'll go on Pinterest after this to try and keep my mind off the pain.  I can't walk anywhere but to the bathroom.  The bottoms of my feet hurt so, so bad.  My best friend, who also has EDS and POTS, said that our feet hurt because of the fuckedupedness of POTS, because of the blood pooling.

I know you should always try to have a positive attitude, but I'm so, so, so tired of the EDS, fibro, POTS, and bipolar.  I seriously want them to just go away or something, so I can experience a life with, well, good health.  I know, that makes a lot of sense, right?  I am hurting too bad to type anymore.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

When will this flare end?

I'm in a flare, and have been for over a week.  The pain is so severe, I haven't had a flare this bad in a couple of years.  I spent the morning in so much pain I was crying and screaming with my hand over my mouth.  When things are like this it is really hard to keep going, but I know that I have to.  I try and always sound happy to thbe kitties, because they don't need to take on Mommy's feelings.  Katya has been taking care of me all day.  When I cry she climbs on top of me (ow!) or lays down next to me.  I'm in too much pain to lay down, and I'm in too much pain to sit down.  So I've been going back and forth.  About the time I can't stop crying hard from the pain, I'll switch to either sitting on the couch with a heating pad on my back, or laying down with a ton of pillows, whatever is the opposite of what I'm doing at that time.

Sick and in a flare
I've also got either strep throat or a throat virus, that I caught from DH (Darling Husband).  My sweetheart has been keeping me supplied in ginger tea, Pepsi Max (my addiction), sore throat drops, Aspirin, Tylenol, tissue for my nose (crying gives you a runny nose), and anything else I need.  I couldn't imagine going through this alone, I'm not sure how I went through that three month flare alone right before I met DH.  That flare was horrible, I was in too much pain to cook, and my TMJ was too horrible to chew anything, so I drank only one huge McDonald's strawberry shake each day.  I lost a lot of weight, but that isn't my ideal way to lose it.

As for this flare, there seems to be no end in sight, though I know it will eventually end.  I want a shower so bad, but I know if I took a shower tonight I'd be screaming when the water hit my skin.  I'm going to lay down in a few minutes, sitting up is starting to really hurt again. 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Bipolar the basics



I just want to add that bipolar is spelled b-i-p-o-l-a-r.  It is not spelled bi-polar.  Also the term manic depression means the exact same thing as bipolar.  Manic depression is just the older name for bipolar.  In my opinion, I like the term manic depression better, because it describes what we go through.  Naming it  bipolar, with bi meaning two, makes it sound like we only go through two states or moods, which is not true.    What about mixed states?  Oops, that's enough talking about bipolar on a Wordless Wednesday post!

Happy 3rd Birthday Niki!

Happy 3rd Birthday Niki!


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Niki's 3rd Birthday - August 1st, 2012

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