My Journey With:

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Hypermobility Type (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Complex Partial Epilepsy ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar I Rapid Cycling With Psychosis ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (My OCD is currently in remission except for hoarding) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Wordless Wednesday: A great Dollar Tree find

This is Vanilla and Milk Chocolate flavor and it's so good, I bet it could cause world peace...yummy

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

My favorite time of day ❤

My favorite time of day is the mornings, when DH (Darling Husband) and I first wake up, and we discuss the day ahead of us.  We play with the kitties, who are meowing loudly because they think they are starving to death.  We get in our first morning's laugh and we sit down together to check out what went on overnight on Facebook on each of our accounts.

My favorite time of day is the evening, when DH and I cuddle and watch Netflix.  We watch funny shows, or occasionally a funny movie or horror flick, cuddled up close.  We play with the kitties, as they've just woken up from their afternoon naps.  Sometimes we hold hands, and I love those times.

My favorite time of day is the nighttime when I'm the only one awake, and I'm lying next to a sleeping DH, reading an awesome book.  The cats come in and walk all over us while I read, and DH sleeps.  His face is so calm and serene in his sleep, even when he sometimes snores.  He's a snuggle-monster, too, so if I move a little bit, in his sleep he'll move to snuggle me closer.  It's so sweet!  I love to read at night, it's is the most peaceful, and fulfilling time for reading.

I love my honey so much.


Monday, January 28, 2013

Breaking Writer's Block

I hate to say it, but I've had writer's block for the past few weeks or so.  All my blogs have suffered, which includes Please Tape Me Back Together, Smart Fibro Chick, and my spirituality blog.  I finally decided the best way to get rid of my writer's block is just to write, and see what happens from there.


I love this picture, I don't look as pale in it as I usually do.  I got a cool catalog in the mail today.  It's called "The Stitchery" and it says "featuring Counted Cross Stitch."  Awesome!  Now I want to get more craft catalogs!  I'm sure Lion Brand yarn has to have a catalog and probably Red Heart yarn, too....as well as Hobby Lobby.  I like to do cross-stitch, and sometimes embroidery.

What is the difference between cross-stitch and embroidery, you ask?  Cross-stitch is is made by making tiny crosses, while embroidery uses many different stitches to create the design.  Cross-stitch needles are very dull, because they are not made to go through material, only to come up through the holes in the cloth.  The cross-stitch cloth with those little squares in it is called Aida cloth.  Embroidery needles are sharper, because they need to go through cloth.  Like all needles, both types come in multiple sizes.


Cross-stitch
Embroidery
                               

Cross-stitch needle
Embroidery needles


I am crocheting now.  What is the difference between crochet and knitting, you ask?  Crochet uses one stick with a hook on the end, while kitting requires two sticks.  Crochet always makes a loop that you work with, while knitting is different.  In crochet you work in rounds or in straight lines, while in knitting you can see that the yarn is worked straight up and down.

Crocheted
Knitted






                           
Crochet Hooks

                 
            Knitting Needles

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Wordless Wednesday: Where, oh, where, can I find this tea?


I got this tea from a former Turkish pen pal and haven't been able to find it since. It is the best tea I've ever had.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Pushing everyone away

Lately I've been pushing everyone away from me.  I've been doing this for quite some time, because the time we had squatters in our house that wouldn't leavejh Ilwas always in severe pain.  I never got angry, and I always expected the best from Ieople until they proved me wrong.  Our squatters fucked me up.  I hate them very, very much.   I'm angry all the time and I have to force myself to think positively, when it used to come naturally.  I don't like being this person, I hate being this person.  I want to be who I was before they came, but you can't go backwards, you can only move forwards.  Don't leave a comment about forgiving them, because I never, ever, ever  will.

I need to purposely change this, and I think that socializing online will really help with that. My social anxiety doesn't cause anything except phones anxiety, these days.  I had found a great group of women online that I used to be part of, it was a group for [my religious path] headcovering.  However, since I am not involved in that practice anymore, and I only was for a short time, I don't have a spiritual group anymore. I can't leave the house often, so I can't go to any spiritual gatherings in person.  So, I'm looking for a spiritual group that "fits."
I want to make friends to have FUN with! Even if it is online, because I'm pretty much housebound.

I want to get active in two or three of my EDS groups again, too.  Not only does it help me stay up to date on what's going on with EDS research, who died, etc., but I have a lot of EDSer friends that I have ignored for a few months now.  I hope, after my long disappearance, they still want to be my friend.  One of the hardest things about having EDS friends is saying good-bye to them when they die young and unexpectedly.  Fortunately, so far, I've only known people in passing that have passed away.  I don't know how I'll handle it when someone I'm close to passes away from EDS, or a POTS related conditions.

A great website for those interested in the fiber arts
I want to also get involved in a crocheting group.  I think Ravelry is a good place to start.  I joined a few groups on it last night, including: Gay Crochet, The GLBT Disabled Support NetworkCrochet on RavelryChronic Stitchers, Hippie Crocheters, One Skein Crochet, Beginning Crochet, Queer Revelry, The Spoonies.

I don't want all of my day or all of my friends to be focused on health only.  I don't want to make only friends who share health problems or live with disability, though I treasure the ones that I know and still want to make more disabled women.  However, I'd like friends to be many types of women.  (When I say "meet other women" I mean online only, in a platonic manner, and have no intention of meeting in person.)    I'd like to meet women who are following the same spiritual path,  are other crocheters, like crafting, have challenges they deal with, too,  love pen palling, are the partner of someone with epilepsy, collects postcards, is a cat lover, are learning Italian...

I also have wonderful pen pals.  They are from the following countries: United States, UK, Italy, Belgium, Germany, AustraliaCanada, Singapore, Peru, and Spain.  If I can ever get all my letter writing under control, meaning catch up with it on a regular basis, I'd like to get some pen pals from Western Europe, the Middle East, and Israel.  I'd also like to have more Australian and Italian pen pals.

Because all lesbians are Superwomen!
I'd also like to be part of an LGBT group who emphasizes self-identity, rather other people labeling you, like "You are ___ because you are with such and such." and "You are bisexual because you are with DH."  I'm sick to death of being told my orientation, so sick of it I don't even correct it anymore.   I'm a freaking lesbian!  L-E-S-B-I-A-N.  Somehow my soul mate in this reincarnation ended up in the body of man, for reasons unknown to me.  And I love him very, very much.  His soul is entwined with mine, and will be every reincarnation.  He is the only man I'm attracted to, while women in general are the only ones I'm attracted to.  Have I made my point?  Accept it...DH is all man, and I am all lesbian and, altogether with our kitties, we make a wonderful family.
Yummy!

Aww, DH just brought me a can of full Diet Mountain Dew after I finished my Pepsi Max (it's Diet Pepsi with huge amounts of caffeine).  Isn't that sweet?  I'm going to go indulge in caffeine now.  Have a nice day!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Horrifying pain

I'm trying not to scream, and can't stop the tears.  I'm in a black pit of pain, and it's shaped like a cone, so any progress I make immediately makes me slide to the bottom again.  My hands on the keyboard are excruciating.  I haven't thrown up from the pain today and am trying not to.  I feel like I'm going insane.  I can't keep living like this.  This is no life.  This is not living.  This is barely existing.  To exist is to hurt, to breathe is to hurt 100 times worse.  My hands, my back...my elbows, my knees...my neck, my feet...the list goes on and on until I've named every fucking body part I have.  I'm not sure this even makes any sense.  I'm in a pain induced haze.  I can't think, I can't talk because I'm afraid I'll lose the little bit of self control I have.  I exist, but I do not live.


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