My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness Seizures (Complex Partial Seizures) ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Painful Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (Autoimmune Hypothyroidism) ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Thursday, March 27, 2014

A rambling, painful day

I'm not sure where to start this bog entry, after so much time since my last one.  So I'm just going to write, and see what happens.  Today is a nasty rainy day, and my joints know about it.  Lately I've been having a lot of back pain, way more than usual.  I think it's from our bed, though.  The bottom left corner of the bed frame was broken by a friend who just plopped down on it.  I'm not sure how it happened, but I think she hit it in just the right way, and it completely broke.  It now drags the ground.  Once that happened, it wasn't long until the middle of the bed sunk in.  So now when you lie down by yourself it sends you rolling to the center.  If I lie down with DH then we both roll into the middle and balance each other's bodies in the sunken middle of the bed.  DH is also having back and neck problems.  Needless to say, we wake up in more pain than before we went to sleep.  So until we have enough saved up to buy a new mattress and box springs, our back, neck, and my hip pain will continue to get worse.  I can't help but be just a tad jealous of people who can just go out and buy one, especially those who can buy a nice one, like Tempur-Pedic.

I would like just one day without severe pain.  I want just one day where the pain isn't so severe it moves me to tears.  If I could have a day like that it would be easier to handle the bad days.  I've had low pain days before, but they don't happen often.

I got my pink recumbent bike!  Keep in mind it's hard for me to walk, so three minutes starting out was my max.  Then I moved up to five minutes, and today I did seven minutes!  I'm so excited.  My first goal is to do ten minutes.  Eventually I want to only have to use my walker on bad days and maybe in huge stores, like Wal-Mart.

There is hail coming down now.  My joints, muscles, collar bones, neck, feet, and shoulders are all extremely painful.  Lately I've been kinda pissed that not only do I have to deal with EDS, but so does my best friend.  My DH doesn't deserve to have seizures.  He doesn't deserve to be beaten up by his own body regularly during seizures.  My best friend not only has EDS, but POTS and fibromyalgia, too.  She's had to have two serious back surgeries and numerous eye surgeries.  It  breaks my heart.  My other best friend has psoriasis, and has to deal with both the embarrassment and anxiety that accompanies it.  Why is that?  Why do these things happen to such good people?  My DH, both my best friends, and myself as well; we don't deserve this.  I try to be a kindhearted spoonie, a loving partner, a kittymommy worthy of my kitties, and an empathetic and helpful person.  I've often wondered if I was a bad person in my previous life, and am being punished for it in this life.  I know it sounds whiny, but what did we all do to deserve this?

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