My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness Seizures (Complex Partial Seizures) ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Painful Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (Autoimmune Hypothyroidism) ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Pain wears you out and lowers your self-esteem

Today has been an icky day, as well as yesterday.  My joints and muscles are hurting really bad, and I'm just so worn out from the pain.  I feel like crying.  I have so much to do, I need to wash a load of laundry, fold the clean laundry piled up in the bedroom, clean the living room, vacuum, clean off my desk and find places for the books stacked on it, do my recumbent bike, clean the bathroom...  The list is endless.  I get so much anxiety when the house isn't clean, and though I love DH very, very much, he only cleans about twice a year.  He does all the cooking, though.  Right now my arms and back are on fire and cramping up because I am typing.  Sometimes I just don't know how I'm supposed to keep going through all this pain.  I hate myself on days that I don't clean, and I haven't got any cleaning done today.

I was so exhausted last night that I didn't do my nightly moisturizing routine.  I have KP, or Keratosis Pilaris, which some people call "chicken skin."  It's incredibly common, it's estimated that 50% of the population in the US have KP.  A lot of people don't know that they have KP because they have a light case.  KP is little bumps on the skin that are made from hair follicles plugged with keratin.  Sometimes the little bumps are flesh colored, but sometimes they are red, which is what mine are like.  There is no cure, and any treatment creams are usually very expensive, that is until Gold Bond recently came out with Gold Bond Ultimate Rough & Bumpy Skin Daily Therapy Cream, which is only about $10.  It's a thick cream that fights KP and extremely dry skin.  KP usually shows up on the back of the upper arms and the back of thighs, though I've seen pictures online of people with it on their face.  My KP is on the front, side, and backs of my upper arms, the top of my lower arms, my bum, the top of my back, my chest, my shoulder blades, my breasts, my stomach, and the front of my thighs.  Spring and fall are the worst times for all skin conditions, so every spring and fall it seems to show up in new places.  I also have it lightly on my lower legs, though I don't use the cream on that part.  Since I've had the Gold Bond Ultimate Rough & Bumpy Skin Daily Therapy Cream, I've been putting it on every night, along with my regular moisturizer for my face and lotion on my feet.  It takes forever to moisturize my very dry skin, and without that I'm prone to rough and dry patches of skin, as well as the KP.  If I go without any face moisturizer for 24 hours my cheeks get red and irritated, and I get dry patches on my forehead and cheeks.  EDS causes extra sensitive skin.  I've been using the cream for about two weeks now and I do see a difference.  Last night I was exhausted, and it was the first night since I got it that I didn't use it.  Like I said, the pain is exhausting.  The difference isn't huge, but I can see one.  I'm hoping that it will show a bigger difference at four weeks of use.

Gold Bond Ultimate Rough & Bumpy Skin Daily Therapy Cream
Gold Bond Ultimate Rough & Bumpy Skin Daily Therapy Cream

I also feel so guilty if I haven't done anything useful that day.  No one makes me feel that way, it's just how I feel about myself.  It makes me feel so useless.  I've been under my heated zebra throw all day.  Unfortunately I can't cover all of myself at once with the throw, so I've had it on my lap, with my legs and ankles covered, and wrapped around and under my hips.  DH massaged my lower legs, under my knees and above my ankles last night, which helped a lot but ended up hurting his hands.  Since I'm trying to get pregnant I had to cut my medications down, so the pain, and because of that the fatigue, is very bad some days.

I'd love to blog more, but I really can't right now, because I'm just in...guess what...too much pain.  I'm going to go lie down in bed with the heating pad I keep plugged in and ready in the bedroom.  We have company, and I feel so humiliated when I cry in front of company, though it wouldn't be the first time I did.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry to hear how bad your pain is. I certainly understand how the housework makes you feel. With EDS pain, I'm not going to ever have a clean house either, even though with my hubby retired, it's a little easier now. The KP cream sounds good. My kids have KP, so I might get this for them to try. I hope you'll have some good days soon :)

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