Survivor: To my best friend, Togy: I miss you so much my heart cries

My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness (Complex Partial) Seizures ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I Rapid Cycling With Psychotic Features ~ Migraines ~ Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Self-Harm ~ Bilateral Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Specific Phobias ~ Chronic Daily Headache ~ Eczema

Friday, January 17, 2014

To my best friend, Togy: I miss you so much my heart cries

Togy Angel

Dear Togy,

You would have been twenty today. The last time I saw you was November 5th, 2007. Situations beyond our control parted us, and my heart has been breaking since. Growing up is hard to do, and growing up bipolar, when both parents already have mental illness, is no picnic. Sometimes you were the only thing that kept me alive, because I knew you'd miss me and I didn't want to break your heart. You've saved my life so many times, Togy. I was a clumsy, from the time I was a kid on. When I'd hit myself in the head or fall over, I'd always open my eyes to your standing over me, staring in my face. If I didn't open my eyes and talk to you soon enough, you would bark for help. We had a mental and spiritual connection on many levels. We both would get depressed at the same time, even, even if we hadn't seen each other.

My stuffed animal Togy from my sister

You put up with me dressing you up like such a good little boy. You were so good at playing "give me your paw," it was your favorite game. It made me angry when people yelled at you. They actually expected me to do the same, and when I wouldn't, yelled at me, too. On the few occasions I did crumble under their pressure, I am so sorry, please forgive me.

My sister's dog and Togy on their wedding day

When Aunt Gloria came down with cancer the first time, you sat in my lap, and licked away my tears as I sobbed. There were so many times you licked away my tears. You had the best little doggy kisses, and I miss your dog breath and big black wet nose so bad. I still have the ear of your first baby doll, your elephant, and your first collar. I'm crying so hard writing this that I keep wiping my eyes so I can make out the letters on the computer screen. I love you, Togy, so much. In my next lifetime, please reincarnate with me; I want to be your best friend in every lifetime.

Togy Puppy Pictures