January
January 1st, 2017 was the start to a new year, and an end to 2016, which was a horrible year for us. The year of 2017 was just as bad, if not worse. For New Year's Dinner we had lamb and roast potatoes. It was the first time I'd ever eaten lamb. I liked it, but only ate about a third of it. It tastes better than beef, I understand why lamb is so popular around the world. I was still in a
depressive episode that began in December 2015. My mom's dog Lady passed away. She was a beautiful, sweet, loveable Boston Terrier that was my mom's baby. Donald J. Trump was sworn in for President and Mike Pence was sworn in as Vice-President. The last two days of the month I was in a pain flare.
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Smirk |
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Lamb and roast potatoes |
February
The first day of February was full of cramps and depression. I was still in the depressive episode in February. The second day of February was
Imbolc, a religious holiday I celebrate. I had my first
seizure of the year on February fifth. I had a
POTS flare, and there was a
lunar eclipse on the 10th and 11th. I had a five day pain flare, and there was a
solar eclipse on the 26th. Daddy had a birthday and turned 63. Toward the end of the month I struggled with
paranoia and
psychosis.
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Wearing a headband from my friend LP |
March
My depressive episode was still sticking around in March. I started the first three days of the month in a pain flare. I had two more pain flares, and four POTS flares. It was a very rough month financially. The 30th was
World Bipolar Day, and March was
Self-Harm Awareness Month. Doing my adult coloring books and printouts I made of coloring book pages for anxiety relief on the days my hand pain wasn't too bad. I also celebrated
Ostara.
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In my favorite Woodstock tie-dye T-shirt |
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Katya and Niki sleeping in a box |
April
April brought two pain flares and the end of that depressive episode. By the end of the month I started another depressive episode. Things got much worse financially. My
OCD symptoms started coming back more. April was
Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I celebrated
Easter with chocolate.
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Hello! |
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DH giving kisses to Katya behind my head |
May
May first was both
Beltane and
International Workers' Day. I wore green glitter on
Star Wars Day, May the 5th, for Carrie Fisher. I chose green because green is the color for both mental health awareness and bipolar awareness. May was
Ehlers-Danlos syndromes Awareness Month and
Mental Health Awareness Month. I was still in a depressive episode. I cried all day on
Mother's Day because I was scared I'll never be a Mommy. The 12th of May was
Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. I think it deserves a month long awareness campaign, not just one day a year. I ended the month starting a
TMJ Dysfunction flare that lasted in to June, for a total of eleven days. I couldn't eat solid food and lived off of chocolate malt shakes because I couldn't chew and had a hard time getting enough calories without chewing. Stress was high because of our health and finances. OCD symptoms continue to appear here and there.
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My red puppy dog scarf with pugs on it |
June
National Pen Pal Day was June 1st. I planned on sending cards to m pen pals, but I've been horrible lately, and haven't got many pen pal letters out in 2017. Of course, since my moods are massively out of control it makes it hard. I realize I get irresponsible when I'm having a bipolar episode. I turned 36 and within a month my hair went gray around my face. My birthday was on the one year anniversary of the shooting at
Pulse. My birthday was also the World Day Against Child Labor and National Peanut Butter Cookie Day. I didn't get a peanut butter cookie on my birthday, though. I also got a new therapist, which is always a hard thing to do.
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Just me |
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Niki and Katya cuddling |
July
In mid-July my depressive episode ended. DH had a back injury helping a friend. I had a POTS flare and a pain flare. I continued seeing my therapist and I was starting to feel she might be someone I could trust. I decided that I could use a zebra hardcover notebook to keep therapy notes I take during therapy and home. It made it a lot easier to keep track of what I'm learning in therapy and how far I've come.
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I remind myself every day that I'm AL;VE |
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Me |
August
In August we celebrated
Lammas/Lughnasadh, a holiday in my religion that marks the beginning of the harvest season. I saw the Full Solar Eclipse on August 21st. I had two tonic-clonic seizures in my therapist's office late in the month. My cousin mailed me some of her homemade soap to try and I loved it. She is the only cousin I am in contact with.
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Us |
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Making faces after a shower |
September
I entered another depressive episode and started out the month of September very suicidal. I started talking to my best friend and chosen sister again, after not doing so for a long time. I was so happy to have her back in my life as she is my very best friend. Mid-September I came close to attempting suicide, scrawling on myself "Ashes Don't Have Debts." I had a horrid time with self-injury. I ended the month of September with an episode of psychoisis.
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Pain and depression |
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Pain and depression |
October
I began October with a TMJ flare. My bipolar psychosis was very bad most of the month. I got a mild cold, but recovered fairly quickly. Jim and I celebrated Samhain together on the 31st.
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The view from my front porch |
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Halloween night |
November
My depressive episode ended mid-November. I entered a mixed episode late November. I started exercising again. I saw my parents for Thanksgiving and had a seizure at the Thanksgiving table, which made me feel really guilty.
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A Catholic Cathedral in mid-Missouri |
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The Missouri State Capital Building in Jefferson City |
December
In mid-December my mixed episode ended, and I was able to celebrate Christmas without depression or mania. We changed cable companies, but we had already exchanged gifts with my parents at Thanksgiving, so it felt weird not having theirs to open on Christmas morning. I was happy with my present from Jim, a smart phone.