My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness (Complex Partial) Seizures ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Painful Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Emptiness

Each day I'm emptier and emptier inside.  Today if it wasn't for DH getting his feelings hurt I just would have stayed in bed all day.  I just don't see the use of getting up.  I mean, what for?  Why would I care to get out of bed?  I just want to lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, with my mind millions of miles away.  I want to be millions of miles away.  I don't want to be me, I don't want to live in a broken body with a mind in danger of breaking at any moment.  With so many people in the house the only way I've been able to cope is to "shut down" a part of myself.  I feel like more and more of me is shutting down without my asking.  I'm not even sure that's a bad thing.  I just want to cease to exist sometimes.  Each day the wind howls through my soul, yet it doesn't blow away the clouds of mist which shroud myself from even me

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