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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Thinking too much

I have been thinking lately, on who each of us are to different people in our lives.  I don't necessarily mean that we are all liars, but that we still show a different facet of who we are to different people.  For instance, I feel I am being myself almost all of the time on Twitter and Facebook, and the majority of the time with my best friends in person.  I am the most honest on my feelings on my blogs.  If I have personal reflections to make often I will choose to write it in my blog.  I put my fears, passions, and drive into my blogs.  On Twitter I tweet about my views on the abortion debate, politics, religion, fibromyalgia, being a spoonie, and I tweet with a few EDSers.  On Facebook I'm very involved in the EDS community and have made quite a few close friends.  I don't discuss religion at length or politics at length on Facebook, though I do post some links occasionally.  I just show a slightly different faucet of myself to different people.  That was the first example that came to mind that fit the situation I'm describing.

What I find slightly disconcerting is that my loyal blog readers know a lot about me that my best friends don't.  Neither of my best friends know that I'm not straight.  Neither of my best friends know that I'm not Christian.  My sexual orientation colors how I look at the world, as does my religion, but I don't feel I can tell my best friends these things about me.  I did finally get M to stop sending me anti-gay petitions.  M is very, very Evangelical Christian and does not like gays or non-Christians.  I hate having to hide part of myself from her.  Because of this, my friendship with her has, well, been kind of on the quiet end lately.  I'm also used to being out now, and I'm afraid I'd slip and say something.  Would she still be my friend if I did?

If I told O then she would tell me I'm just confused because I'm with a man now.  I am the only one who knows what MY sexual orientation is, and it gets old defending it.  Granted, I haven't told her, but I'm pretty sure she'd just say I was confused.

I don't know.  Sometimes it just depresses me that the people I love most, O and M, I cannot be myself around.  I wonder though, do we all do that?  Do we all hide something as big as sexual orientation and religion from our best friends but let the rest of the world know?  Is that tacky or prudent?

I guess I'm just rambling, but sometimes this stuff bothers me a lot.  Please do not comment that if O and M were friends they wouldn't care.  O and M, especially M, are hardcore Christians, and they see these things as "amoral."  I'm not going to convince them otherwise, so please, no comments like that.

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes you just have to adjust what you reveal about yourself around certain people.
    If you know that they would react very badly to hearing something, when it is no harm to anyone if they do or don't know, then I believe that you don't need to tell them.
    Most people have things about themselves that they never reveal to anyone, and to me this is not any different.
    As long as those you don't tell don't read your blog about it!
    Best wishes,


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