My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness (Complex Partial) Seizures ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I Rapid Cycling With Psychotic Features ~ Migraines ~ Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Self-Harm ~ Bilateral Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Specific Phobias ~ Chronic Daily Headache ~ Eczema

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Year end review of 2014

January 2014

January was a pretty good month for us.  We were able to get some bills paid down, and all three kitties were healthy and happy.  I thought I'd found a new friend, only to find out she had a crush on me.  It hurt my feelings because I thought she wanted to be friends, not want to sleep with me-which would never happen in a million years.  I figured eventually she'd get over it, and continued to be a platonic friend.  We discovered all the spots in the house where the pipes were leaking, after our landlord (who is not a licensed plumber) redid all the water lines in our entire house.  He didn't do a good job, so now we have leaks in the house.

January 2014 - Katya playing in the wrapping paper and with a box

January 2014 - A light bit of snow that I found pretty
February 2014

February brought a lot of bad weather, as well as a sweet Valentine's Day gift.  I decorated the house for Valentine's Day, and Jim got me something sweet, along with a wonderful card.

February 2014 - a huge icicle that DH found outisde

February 2014 - me
March 2014

March brought a lot of rain, which is seriously hard on my joints.  I discovered the TV show "Bate's Motel," which tells the backstory to the Alfred Hitchcock film Psycho.  I immediately became hooked.  My bipolar caused me to become very depressed in March.  I found out that the supposed friend of mine didn't care about me at all, and did her best to try and break DH and me up.  The absurdity of it was hilarious, even if I was hurt.  Apparently she never got over the crush, even though I gave her absolutely no reason to think that I wanted to be anything but a platonic friend.
March 2014 - Sterling and his water bowl, he used to love lying there

March 2014 - me in my pink UMR hat
April  2014

I decorated the house for Easter.  We were going to color eggs, but I ended up in excruciating pain the days before and during Easter.  The "Easter bunny" left me some chocolate.  Okay, I admit, I left some chocolate out for both of us.  My anxiety was severe, but I was happy for the first time in months.

April 2014 - Yellow Easter lilies in the front yard

April 2014 - Yellow Easter lilies in the front yard
May 2014

We were drowning in debt, and I became very depressed again, with out of control anxiety.  I couldn't concentrate, much less actually write.  My pen pals, my writing, and my blogging to took a hit.

May 2014 - Katya checking out a box

May 2014 - Sterling cuddled up on my zebra blanket
June 2014

My birthday is in June, and it was the 2nd worst birthday I'd ever had.  I turned 33.  My worst birthday was when I turned 30, the age I was waiting to be for many years.  My third worst birthday was my 28th. The kitties and DH were the only reason I even came out of bed, and I didn't do that often.  I slept most of the day, and stayed up most of the night.  I couldn't seem to get my hours right.

June 2014 - DH and I

June 2014 - Sterling "the boy" lying down in his little pink kitty bed, before he got sick
July 2014

July 1st was one of the worst days of my life.  Sterling passed away, after being sick for a few weeks.  I didn't take any pictures of him while he was sick, because I didn't want to think of him that way later on, when he got better.  It didn't cross my mind that he'd ever pass away from it.  I was the last one to see him alive, and DH is the one who found him.  Sterling's favorite color was red, so DH and his friend wrapped him in my red dupatta for a burial shroud, and put him in his favorite place to be, his little pink kitty bed.  DH's friend and his friend's father buried him on his father's land, and his father, who is also minister, said kind words over him.  We rent, and for all we know they'll knock out house down someday and build a parking lot, or a gas station.  We wanted his somewhere permanent, where he wouldn't be disturbed.  I'm crying right now just thinking about the boy.  I would just stare at my computer screen, while it was off, for hours on end, while I silently (and sometimes loudly) cried.  My family will never feel complete again.  I am so happy we have our girls, Niki and Katya, because I don't know how I'd handle it without them.  I always talked to Sterling about being a big brother to our human baby someday.  I couldn't imagine that he wouldn't be there.

July 2014 - Me, trying to smile when my heart is breaking

July 2014 - Niki hanging out on my printer 
August 2014

On August 1st, a month from the day Sterling passed away, we almost lost Niki.  She had just been to the vet for an eye infection, and when we woke up on the 1st she was really hot to the touch.  We got a ride from Jim's friend (the same one who buried Sterling), and got Niki to the vet.  She was so ill she barely could move.  We were terrified.  We got her to the vet and while a cat's normal temperature is 100°-101°, her temperature was 105.5°.  The vet said we could have lost her that day.  The vet had even stayed behind when the office was closed to see Niki.  I hate, hate, hate to think of what would have happened if he didn't.  I was also very depressed in August, continuing staring off in space or my computer screen while it was off for hours.  I didn't cry as much, and tried to hide most of my crying from DH, because he was hurting bad enough already, without having to worry about me.  Niki got stinky liquid medicine in a dropper for 10 days, and 2 drops of eye drops in her infected eye; both twice a day.  Then, a couple of weeks later, in the middle of the month, her eye infection came back, and this time in both eyes.  Her fever seemed like it was there again, too, because she was really hot to the touch.  She had finished her medicines a week or two before, but then she had to start them all over again for 10 days.  She had to have drops in both eyes now, and another 10 days of that stinky liquid medicine in a dropper.  I would talk to Sterling out loud, because I knew he could hear me.

August 2014 - Me and my Eric Cartman (from South Park) doll DH got me

August 2014 - DH with Niki, she was very sick with an eye infection and a high fever
September 2014

DH and I attended a first birthday party of a little girl whose parents are friends of DH.  We had a really nice time.  The day was pretty, though a bit drizzly.  I had to use my wheelchair, and I was really embarrassed and nervous at first because of it, but everyone was very kind and soon the embarrassment went away.  In the beginning of September I went from depression to mania (not hypomania) overnight.  It is always very hard for me to deal with mania, and it really scares me.  My thoughts were going so fast I couldn't talk or write fast enough to keep up with all the changes of topic and flight of ideas I was having.  I started a few blog entries in September, but I had so very many ideas, and can only type around 70 words per minute (wpm), so I just couldn't write even a fraction of the thoughts flying so fast in my head.  This was followed by a depressive episode, and then at the end of the month a hypomanic episode.

September 2014 - Niki and me taking a nap

September 2014 - Our "cat in a hat" Niki

October 2014

I was very excited for Halloween, but I didn't get to put up any decorations this year.  I was depressed the whole month of October.  I really enjoyed Halloween, even though we didn't go anywhere or really do anything.  I missed our Sterling boy so, so much.  I usually dress up the kitties for Halloween, and I had plans to dress up Niki and Katya, but I couldn't bring myself to do it without Sterling.  The month of October did have some very good news to share, though, we started trying for a baby!  We went to University Hospital the month before and I saw a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist, aka a high risk pregnancy doctor.  I also saw a genetic counselor at the same appointment.  I was told that my Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) would get much worse when I'm pregnant, and my joints will be much looser, with a probably increase in pain from my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and fibromyalgia.  There's no way to tell how my bipolar will do when I'm pregnant, some women's bipolar gets better when they have a bun in the oven, and some women get worse.  My Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) can cause infertility, so that's a possible concern.  I already knew that I had a 50% chance of passing my EDS down, and there's nothing I can do about that.  I can only pray that our future child gets Jim's genes when it comes to whatever genes my type of EDS comes from.

October 2014 - Niki and Katya looking out the window together (they destroyed the blinds)

October 2014 - My Halloween socks

November 2014

Things were very, very tight financially in November.  I started out the month entering a hypomanic episode, then hit depression, then hit hypomania again.  I was cycling moods so fast that I'm sure DH was confused, after all how do you know what mood my bipolar self will wake up in?  We had a nice Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving isn't about money, it's about giving thanks for all the things we do have.  I have my DH, our Niki, and our Katya.  We have a roof over our head, and though my computer is almost 7 years old and doesn't work well, I still am lucky enough to have one.  DH's computer is almost 15 years old.  My mom got me a Kindle Fire (the first Fire, the 2011 model) a few years ago and I feel very lucky to have that.  I don't have a cell phone or the ability to walk much without a walker, but I still have a lot to be thankful for, like having my walker.

November 2014 - Katya sleeping on her face

November 2014 - Me wrapped in my black and gray zebra heated throw

December 2014

I had a wonderful Christmas.  My mom got both DH and I some really nice presents.  I got $50 from my mom and am going to use it to take Niki to the vet.  It won't completely cover the vet's bill, but it will help a whole lot.  I can't think of a better way to spend $50 than to get my kitty to the doctor.  My mom also got me three candles and a gift card for Amazon.  I felt so rich!  It isn't often I get to buy something on Amazon, so I was really excited.  I got DH a set of Craftsman tools that were on a Christmas sale of 50% off at Sears.  I ordered the tools online and chose a free in-store pickup.  Our car wasn't running, so a friend drove me to Sears and she went in with me to pick it up. I was so happy to see how excited he was when he opened it.  This has been overall a hard year, especially with losing our Sterling boy and almost losing our Niki girl.  I did have a wonderful Christmas, so I hope that good feeling and happy times continues into 2015, and this is a better year for all of us.

December 2014 - Katya watching our little Christmas tree

December 2014 - Me on Christmas Day


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