My Journey With:

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Hypermobility Type (H-EDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Epilepsy ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar type I ~ Migraines ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Eczema ~ Bruxism ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Complex--Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Hashimoto's Disease (Autoimmune Hypothyroid) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Throwback Thursday - My sister and I when we were itty bitty #TBT


I was age 3 and my sister was a little baby. Years later my sister used her baby dress as a doll dress.
I was age 3 and my sister was a little baby. Years later my sister used her baby dress as a doll dress.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Throwback Thursday - Grandpa as a child in the 1930s #TBT

My Grandpa was part of the Silent Generation, the generation after the Great Generation.  The Silent Generation experienced WWII in childhood and the Civil Rights Movement.  They worked hard and kept quiet, because at the time they still operated by the rule that children should be seen and not heard.  Like many men (and some women) of the Silent Generation he fought in the Korean War.  The Silent Generation is sometimes called the The Lucky Few.  Grandpa was born in 1935, and passed away in 2008.

Grandpa at age 4? in 1939
Grandpa at age 4? in 1939




Sunday, May 10, 2015

On the topic of rape jokes...disgusting!

Trigger Warning: rape 
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Before I met DH I was scared all of the time of meeting my rapist and not knowing I had.  I'm not sure why, but I can't remember faces or names, but especially faces.  But it's a lot more than just not remembering faces.  I can't imagine faces in my head at all, even if I've known that person for a long time.  That's why I've always taken a many of pictures of everyone in my life, and I spend a lot of time studying the pictures.  I can't even picture my best friend's face, and we've spent a lot of time together.  I can remember what her picture looks like, though, because I study it all the time so I won't forget her face.  So when I imagine people in my head, if I haven't already memorized their face by staring at a picture for a long time, they might as well be a new person to me until they say something that makes me recognize them.

I was constantly afraid of seeing one of my rapists and not knowing it.  That ended up happening, I bought a dryer from my second rapist, the one who raped me when I was 19, and he installed it in my house.  I didn't hear his name until later on an email his wife sent from their account months later, when I realized who he was.  So, for the past six or so years I've had my rapist's dryer in my house, because it just isn't a financial priority to get a new one when this one works.  Most of the time it doesn't bother me much, but sometimes it does.

My first rapist, from when I was 16, was violent and terrified me the worst.  I used to, before meeting DH, look him up once every two months or so to make sure he hadn't moved back to my town.  He kept calling me to harass me for three years after I cut ties with him.  I am still terrified of him, even though intellectually I know that he doesn't pose a threat, it doesn't change my gut reaction of intense fear.  The last time I saw his Myspace page, back in 2007, before he shut it down, he had written on his page that "women accuse me of raping them, but that's not possible, because there's no way a woman wouldn't want my dick, in fact she's lucky to get it."  There was a mysterious link on his page, and when I clicked it, it was a close up of his penis.  He was a boxer in an engineering university when I knew him, and by that time was a Marine stationed out West.

How does this all tie into making rape jokes?  Well, the second rapist might somehow have convinced himself that he didn't do anything wrong, I "owed it to him."  Obviously that is messed up and not true at all, but I can see him doing those mental gymnastics.

However, there is no way that my first rapist could possibly think what he did was anything but rape.  He made rape excuses/jokes on his Myspace page, basically admitting to serial rape.  I'm sure he laughs at every rape joke--because to him rape is funny, rape is something to be proud of, and rape is something women deserve.  Rape jokes only solidify that in the mind of rapists.  That's why it's really screwed up to make rape jokes.  Because every time you do, women like me re-experience trauma, and people like him think it's hilarious.

This Is Why Rape Jokes Aren't Funny

How Rape Jokes Contribute to Rape Culture

Why Rape Jokes Are Never Funny
Read This Before You Make A Rape Joke


Thursday, April 30, 2015

Throwback Thursday - Great Great Great Grandparents #TBT

This is the only picture I have of my Great Great Great Grandparents, it's only a picture of a picture.  They are my Great Grandma Viola's grandparents.  I have no idea how long ago this was, but my Great Grandma Viola was born in 1915, so I'm guessing they were born in the mid-1800s.  That makes my Grandpa Ezra on my dad's side older than my Great Grandma Viola on my mom's side.

My Great Great Great Grandparents
My Great Great Great Grandparents



Thursday, April 16, 2015

Throwback Thursday - Grandpa Ezra #TBT

Grandpa James Ezra was born in 1894 and passed away in 1960.  He served in World War I and was part of The Lost Generation.  Famous people who were part of The Lost Generation included Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Ezra Pound.  They came of age during WWI.

Grandpa Ezra in his World War I uniform (yes, WWI)
Grandpa Ezra in his World War I uniform (yes, WWI)

Grandpa Ezra's gravestone at Alwood Cemetery in the Ozarks
Grandpa Ezra's gravestone at Alwood Cemetery in the Ozarks