My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness (Complex Partial) Seizures ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I Rapid Cycling With Psychotic Features ~ Migraines ~ Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Self-Harm ~ Bilateral Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Specific Phobias ~ Chronic Daily Headache ~ Eczema

Thursday, February 15, 2018

“Blowflies,” A Poem

I wrote this in June 2017 when I was very suicidal. I am no longer suicidal, but I wanted to share this poem. Please understand, this poem is about suicide, so if that's a trigger for you, you may need to stop reading here.

In no way do I mean to "glorify" or "romanticize" suicide. Suicide is a horrible thing. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for most of my life and have had two failed attempts. I'm so thankful I'm alive. I just want others to understand what it feels like to be suicidal or have suicidal ideation and what those that do have these thoughts that when you reach bottom the only way to go is up. Things get better!


I know it’s just a matter of time
Until they find my corpse
Rigor mortis in a fetal position
Covered in a bloody sheet
Dried and stuck to my body
I just hope I don’t rot first
I fucking hate blowflies

Amy B

If you feel suicidal, please get help. Text the Crisis Text Line to talk to trained counselors about what's on your mind. text “HOME” to 741741 Free, 24/7, Confidential. If you feel suicidal, chat online at The National Suicide Prevention Hotline number is 1-800-273-8255 or go to


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