My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness (Complex Partial) Seizures ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I Rapid Cycling With Psychotic Features ~ Migraines ~ Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Nonsuicidal Self-Injury (Self-Harm) ~ Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Specific Phobias ~ Chronic Daily Headache ~ High Cholesterol

Thursday, March 1, 2018

"melody," a poem

This poem is about self-harm, something I've struggled with for 23 years (24 years in October 2018). I in NO WAY want to glamorize self-harm. It's a horrible thing I wish more than anything that I'd never started doing, and can lead to nerve damage, infection, permanent muscle damage, and even too much blood loss to the point of accidental death. Self-harm is caused by mental illness, but is an addictive behavior, similar to gambling addiction. For people who have self-harmed for many years the addiction is as bad as a heroin addiction. It has ruined so many aspects of my life, and destroyed my self-esteem and self-confidence. I'm only posting this poem to help others realize what it feels like to feel the need to self-harm. I must stress, this is a poem about self-harm, and I don't recommend anyone who is triggered by self-harm to read it. I want people who don't understand what it's like to need to self-harm, especially people who have been self-harming for years. It's just a peek inside my head. This was written in June 2017.


oh god i missed this
endorphins surfing my brain waves
my fingers red and sticky
i pull at either side of the cut,
eager to make more precious liquid come out
right now i don’t care if i scar,
or what a disgusting freak i am
instead they whisper to me that they love me
they lie and say i’m special and deserve
more red badges of courage
it’s the only time I feel with all of me,
it’s the only time that peaceful melody plays

If you feel like you're in crisis, please get help. Text the Crisis Text Line to talk to trained counselors about what's on your mind. text “HOME” to 741741 Free, 24/7, Confidential. If you feel suicidal, chat online at The National Suicide Prevention Hotline number is 1-800-273-8255 or go to


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