My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness Seizures (Complex Partial Seizures) ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar Disorder Type I ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Painful Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (Autoimmune Hypothyroidism) ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Horrifying pain

I'm trying not to scream, and can't stop the tears.  I'm in a black pit of pain, and it's shaped like a cone, so any progress I make immediately makes me slide to the bottom again.  My hands on the keyboard are excruciating.  I haven't thrown up from the pain today and am trying not to.  I feel like I'm going insane.  I can't keep living like this.  This is no life.  This is not living.  This is barely existing.  To exist is to hurt, to breathe is to hurt 100 times worse.  My hands, my back...my elbows, my knees...my neck, my feet...the list goes on and on until I've named every fucking body part I have.  I'm not sure this even makes any sense.  I'm in a pain induced haze.  I can't think, I can't talk because I'm afraid I'll lose the little bit of self control I have.  I exist, but I do not live.


1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry you are in pain :( I am praying for you to find peace and healing. If you need some encouragement, stop by and chat sometime. Good luck on the tea giveaway!

    ReplyDelete

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