My Journey With

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Hypermobility Type (H-EDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Epilepsy ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar type I ~ Migraines ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Eczema ~ Bruxism ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) ~ Complex--Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI) ~ Hashimoto's Disease (Autoimmune Hypothyroid) ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Giving me a nervous breakdown

I've been so very stressed lately.  At least part, and often all of the day I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown.  I have been purposely not blogging about it, but I feel it's gotten so bad that it has to now come up in a blog.  I can't give details, because I don't wish to hurt anyone, but a person I know online has been telling me things that I just not am equipped to handle, especially considering I have my own mental illnesses to contend with, e.g. bipolar and C-PTSD.  Some of the things I've been told are major triggers for me, and have made it very hard to resist self-injury.  Though it is so difficult to resist self-injury, I've been able to fight off the urge to do it for a long time now.  Unfortunately, it gets harder and harder to resist.  Some of the things I've been told have caused my flashbacks to be incredibly bad in the last few months, way worse than usual.  I just don't think I can take it anymore.  I really don't want to lose this person as a friend, I just don't know how to say I can't take it anymore, when almost all conversations seem to consist of that, even though I try to draw conversations to other subjects.  I love this person very much, I just can't take anymore of this kind of talk and I'm at a loss on how to say it.  Every time I talk to her I cry hours afterwards. Lately, I've been avoiding this person, but I can't do that forever.

Here are the signs of a nervous breakdown and I have them all.  The ones I have usually, like mood swings from my bipolar, are way worse than normally.

Mental Health: Signs of Nervous Breakdown

Depressive symptoms

Anxiety

Extreme mood swings

☒ Hallucinations

 Panic attacks

 Paranoia

 Social withdrawal

 Flashbacks of a traumatic event

DH is out getting kitty food, and while the kitties are awake right now, they are barely awake.  It's usually kitty nap time by 3:00, so I'm surprised they are awake.  I think they are awake because their Daddy is gone, and they want to wait until he comes home.

I'm in a lot of pain, right before DH left I asked him if I took my medication, and he reminded me that I took it about three hours ago, which is plenty enough time for the medicine to have kicked in.  Ugh.  He gave me a big ibuprofen before he left, and said by the time he gets back (he has other errands to do, too) I'll be able to take my afternoon dose of my meds.  I gave him complete charge of my meds once my brain fog set in really bad, because I could no longer remember when or if I took any medication.  

2 comments:

  1. You are always on my mind, my beloved, mi alma. Forever will I stand by you. I love you, baby.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If they are a real friend they would rather not share than see you hurt by what they share. We must surround ourselves with those who support us as we support them, people we can be our honest selves around. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way that you will handle this situation in a way that is best for you.

    ReplyDelete

Comments? Questions? Please show class and respect in your comments. All comments are previewed, but anyone can comment and there is no longer word verification. I welcome your comments!