My Journey With:

Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) ~ Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) ~ Focal Impaired Awareness Seizures (Complex Partial Seizures) ~ Fibromyalgia ~ Chronic Myofascial Pain (CMP) ~ Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) ~ TMJ Dysfunction ~ Bipolar I Rapid Cycling With Psychosis ~ Migraines ~ Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (My OCD is currently in remission except for hoarding) ~ Keratosis Pilaris (KP) ~ Complex-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) ~ Panic Disorder ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) ~ Non-suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI or SI) ~ Painful Piezogenic Pedal Papules ~ Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (Autoimmune Hypothyroidism) ~ Irritable Bowel Syndrome ~ Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ~ Multiple Phobias ~ Chronic Headaches

Friday, February 12, 2010

What Does Angry Feel Like?

My fiance told me tonight that I've never been really angry.  He's right.  I haven't.  I've never allowed myself to be really angry.  Growing up it was "bad" to be too angry.  Its a weird situation to be in.  This last month was the 2 year anniversary of a traumatic event involving my family.

I've been reading a bit about complex PTSD and I think that may be the type of PTSD I have.  I am going to ask my therapist what type I have.  I had to go through my abuse for years and years.

So, back to the topic I started with at the beginning of this blog...will I ever be able to let my self be really angry?  I honestly don't know.  I don't know what people do when they are angry or how to feel really angry. I know some people punch pillows but no matter how mad I've been I never could bring myself to do anything violent, even if it was to a pillow.

What does being really angry feel like?  What does an angry person do with that feeling?

Perhaps these are questions I will never know the answers to, I'm not even sure I want to.

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